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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28157931">We All Have Our Reasons</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChippewaFalls/pseuds/ChippewaFalls'>ChippewaFalls</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Reasons [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dark, Doomed Relationship, F/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Tragic Romance, War</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:55:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,898</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28157931</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChippewaFalls/pseuds/ChippewaFalls</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There were those able to carry on with their lives, unaffected by the gathering storm. And then there were families like ours that put themselves in the eye of it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Regulus Black/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Reasons [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2062869</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>We All Have Our Reasons</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I’ll never forget that smell. The way the rain seemed to hang in the air before it even started falling. The omen the storm clouds brought with them over the dark hills that kept our village in a near constant shadow. There wasn’t anything that could be done to stop those clouds from moving in. No way to stop their torrents of rain and wind and thunder. </p><p>
  
</p><p>The war was much of the same: An inescapable maelstrom looming closer each day.</p><p>
  
</p><p>And there were those able to carry on with their lives, unaffected by the gathering storm. And then there were families like ours that put themselves in the eye of it. </p><p>
  
</p><p>“I’ll be back.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>Her eyes were still focused on the clouds in the distance while she stood at the open window. My arm snaked around her waist while the other brushed her thick raven waves out of my way so that my warm breath tickled her throat.</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Don’t.” I hoped the deep timbre of my voice would slow her thoughts until they all melted away into my whisper. </p><p>
  
</p><p>I wasn’t asking her to stay, rather that she’d stay gone. It was the same steps we always seemed to dance. Neither of our hearts were in this fight anymore, not since we’d given them to each other - not since we saw Voldemort for what he truly was.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
Freedom he promised us. Not having to hide from muggles, not having to suffer fear of exposure or reprisal.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
But there was no freedom for those serving the Dark Lord. There were only orders.</p><p> </p><p>She put her hands over mine when a crash of thunder echoed from beyond the mountain. The shudder seemed to awaken the ink that stained both of our forearms and she held me tighter.</p><p>
  
</p><p>“They trust you, Mina.” I pleaded.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
She knew as well as I that there was no escaping this life. The twisting ink on our arms was evidence of that.</p><p>
  
</p><p>She turned back to meet her lips with mine and I pressed into her; wanting her to remember what it felt like to be held by me. Wanting her to remember the feeling every night she wasn’t in my arms. </p><p>
  
</p><p>“I’ll be back.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>Pushing away from the safety of my embrace, she leapt through the open window and let the night’s air carry her. The black strands that moments ago cascaded down her back, now wrapped around her; her figure twisting and contorting until arms outstretched as wings.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
It was weeks before she returned. For a moment I even let myself believe she’d finally seen sense. That she’d sought refuge with The Order.</p><p>
  
</p><p>But then she flew in through the window in a fury, scattering the pages of the book I was pretending to read while my mind raced with worry. </p><p>
  
</p><p>She’d barely gotten her legs back before she was stumbling over herself. She didn’t seem able to hold herself upright so I reached my arms out to steady her and she pulled me closer, burying her face in my chest. I felt her shoulders rise and fall as she wept, cursing him with every breath. </p><p>
  
</p><p>I suspected <em>Cruciatus</em> from the way she trembled. Whatever she’d told him wasn’t enough. </p><p>
  
</p><p>I kissed the top of her head, “You risk too much with this duplicity.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>“This duplicity is all I offer.” She reached back to find the bed and slowly lowered herself to it, “Without it I’m of no value - to either side.”</p><p> </p><p>I knelt to the floor before her and took her hands in mine, knowing she spoke the truth; willing myself to accept the hopelessness of our circumstances. There was no escape for me, even if He fell. I’d been complicit in his vile aggressions and would surely face Azkaban. Yet, prison almost seemed a welcomed ending to the world that His madness would cultivate.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
Mina, thankfully, was positioned better. Her father offered her to spy on The Order; to gain their trust, infiltrate their ranks and bring back whatever information she could. She played her part well, convincing both sides of her loyalty. She could survive this. She was stronger than me and more clever.</p><p> </p><p>“He needs an elf. He’s going to-”</p><p>
  
</p><p>“He’s asked for Kreatcher.” I tilted my head up to meet her eyes, “What will he do with him?”</p><p>
  
</p><p>“I can’t.” She shook her head back and forth and bit at her bottom lip, tears welling up in the bottom of her eyes and causing her otherwise hazel irises to glisten in the moonlight. “You can’t keep him from your mind as well as I can.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Should I refuse him?” I rose and sat on the bed beside her, “Kreatcher’s loyalties are to me, not him. He’ll do as I instruct him to.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>She reached out and put her soft hand to my rough cheek, littered with stubble I couldn’t be bothered to shave anymore. For a while we just searched each other’s eyes; for what I’m not certain. Direction? Absolution?</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Where do yours lay?” She asked in a nearly inaudible whisper, “Your loyalties?”</p><p>
  
</p><p>I felt my jaw tighten, “In the bed beside you.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>“That’s foolishness,” she chastised, yet pulled my face closer to hers until our lips pressed into one another.</p><p>
  
</p><p>I could have stayed in the shelter of that kiss for the rest of time, but she pulled away.</p><p>
  
</p><p>“He’s going to win, Regulus.” Her lips brushed mine as she spoke, soft and adamant, “Even if he fails he’s going to win.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>She pressed her forehead against mine, seeming to withdraw into her own thoughts, “Make sure the elf comes back to you. Tell him to return.”</p><p>
  
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
Weeks later, I stood in an empty forest with my robes draped around me, hanging as loosely as my confidence.</p><p><br/>
My eyes tracked the other black robed figures who seemed to circle around her as she continued forward. It was imperative that I held my poise, that I showed no sign of waver or protection. Under the Dark Lord, love was a weakness to be exploited; so our favor for one another could never be known.</p><p>
  
</p><p>“My dear, Mina. How wonderful it is to see you.” There were more guards around him tonight, I noted; his paranoia ever growing. “What news do you have? What pathetic attempts has Dumbledore made to hide these mudbloods from us?”</p><p>
  
</p><p>His face was mostly hidden beneath the hood of his cloak, but what I could see had grown even more pallid than the weeks before. Not pale like my own ivory skin, but a sickly, wan complexion.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
His insatiable quest for power over all else was taking its toll. That’s what he truly wanted, after all. His wrath was simply a means to an end. </p><p>
  
</p><p>“Ask him yourself.”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
The hush that fell from the shadows around me was somehow louder than their cackling when she entered. Few spoke to the Dark Lord; none spoke to him as she had.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
He waved his wand in a theatrical show of how easily he could dispense of her before smiling his cracked lips into a crooked sneer.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
“Dear, dear Mina. I had such hopes for you. Such ambition...such grace.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>His dissonant smile was meant to taunt her. To make her tremble - but she was an unyielding force and refused to even lower her gaze.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
He began to circle, twisting his wand and casting an unforgivable curse without even needing the words. In an instant she dropped to the ground surely in agony. Then he flicked his wand and her body followed, now laying face down against the dirt.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
And still she managed to lift her head enough to find me with tears sliding down her cheeks. She was so close. If I reached out my arm and she reached out her we could hold each other one more time.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
“<em>Crucio</em>!”</p><p>
  
</p><p>He hissed as her whole body flipped over to stare up at the sky. </p><p> </p><p><br/>
What had she learned? What had driven her to this madness? To this boldness?</p><p><br/>
<br/>
“It’s over.” She paused to catch her breath, the simple act of speaking exhausting her, “I hope you’ve hidden it well.”</p><p> </p><p>He circled her again, his robes dancing dramatically around him. Whatever she was talking about had him in a fury like I had never seen. Was it simply her refusal to show him the fear he so desperately enjoyed? Was it her betrayal? </p><p>
  
</p><p>“You can’t win.” She continued to taunt him, “These people follow you out of fear, but they follow Dumbledore because they love him.” </p><p>
  
</p><p>She met my eyes again and I understood what she was trying to express to me. That she was sorry. For lying, for spying, for dying. </p><p><br/>
“Love will win. Not hate.” Her fingers grasped at the grass around her, grounding herself to this plane, “Not you.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Love?!” He spat that word before lunging forward to kneel at her side, crouching over her like a lion inspecting its kill, “Is that what you’d like in your last moments?”</p><p>
  
</p><p>He turned his attention to the circle of hooded figures still standing in terrified silence. Reaching out his arm and waving a solitary finger toward him he ushered me over, “Regulus, my dear boy.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>My chest tightened around my already racing heart as I felt my feet move forward even though my mind couldn’t process the command. </p><p>
  
</p><p>He stood, backing away from her still form and opened his arms to invite me closer. </p><p>
  
</p><p>“Kill her.”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
My eyes darted to her, but she closed her eyes to hide their emotion. When she opened them again she laughed with such emptiness it rivaled Voldemort’s. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re going to punish the poor boy for his infatuation?” She coughed, spitting blood onto the ground at her side before being sure to meet his eyes again, “You trust too easily, Voldemort. Those sharing secrets were not sharing my bed.”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
“KILL! HER!” He rushed to my side and screamed at the side of my face. </p><p> </p><p>“I wonder” She smiled, her teeth stained with blood, “Do you truly believe you’ll find the Potter boy before they find what you’ve scattered-”</p><p>
  
</p><p>She didn’t finish her taunt.</p><p>
  
</p><p>He finished her life. </p><p>
  
</p><p>Then carried on with the gathering as if her corpse weren’t lying in the center of it.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
I wonder what you must think of her. Of the way she chose to spend her last moments. Disparaging a man she loved. Betraying a cause she helped start. </p><p><br/>
I spent a lot of time wondering the same things.</p><p>
  
</p><p>Trying to parse the truth from the lies. Though it doesn’t really matter in the end, does it? Truth.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
Because what is truth, but an agreed upon set of facts? A story we tell ourselves so many times that it becomes our history.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
The truth is, you could never understand what we went through. The allure of freedom he dangled before us, the enticement of his divisive rhetoric on our already prejudiced minds. Unless you were there, you didn’t feel the terror of realizing that the moment you chose to follow him, you’d cut away all escape.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
Still, I know there will be no redemption for those who chose to follow the Dark Lord. My choice isn’t made in an attempt to assuage guilt or pacify any wrong-doing. The version of me you create in your mind is not my responsibility. You may tell my story, however you choose.</p><p> </p><p>What I do next, I do for her.</p>
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